Fans of The Governator's 1990 version of "Total Recall" tend to share a common concern with this reboot. They're worried that an iconic figure from the original will be forgotten in the Colin Farrell version.

Does anyone really enjoy getting tricked? Maybe someone has a story about getting tricked into receiving, with no strings attached, a fortune. That would be an enjoyable trick.

Oliver Stone does drugs. For some reason, that seems important to point out from the get-go here. He'd be perfectly OK with me writing that, by the way. When it comes specifically to marijuana, he's downright proud of his habit.

Her name is Alice. She used to be the head of security at a secret underground facility for the evil Umbrella Corporation. The apocalypse outside? All those zombies and monsters trying to eat any human being left alive? Yeah, Umbrella did that.

Four books that took approximately a week to read (total, not apiece) somehow turned into five movies spread over five years. Kind of ironic.

My 10-year Crimson Bear reunion was - gulp! - two years ago. At the time I was slow to commit to attending, a little afraid of a long list of things. Maybe people wouldn't remember me; that would be painfully awkward.

FOR THE JUNEAU EMPIRE

Michael Bay steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He doesn't say anything, just looks at me. I've been doodling on my notepad waiting for him to arrive for this fictional interview, and realize I'm chewing on my pen. I decide to play it cool, keep chewing, pretend I'm not suddenly freaking out that Michael Bay is sizing me up.

C ontrary to popular belief, to be totally separated from any form of reality, a movie does not necessarily have to include any of the following: Bruce Willis drilling into an asteroid with his fellow roughnecks as said asteroid speeds toward Earth; Tom Cruise performing acrobatics at high speeds on a motorcycle while simultaneously participating in gunplay with bad guys; CGI Smurfs, chipmunks, or an alien named Paul; Will Smith (pick any one of his blockbusters).

You don't like puppies. You're weird, then, sir (or madam). Right? How can one not like puppies? You don't have to buy one, take it home, raise it, love it, and start referring to it as your "kid" (although I encourage and highly recommend it).