...a home gardener in D.C. who recommended sending in the Secret Service. Barry Kaufman is a humor columnist for Bluffton Today in Bluffton, S.C. Follow him on Twitter @btbarry or check out his debut novel, "The Flyover States" at www...

...without several assistants due to overwhelming brain loss. Hey, as long as I look good, who cares if I can't manage my way through simple tasks? That's what I've got a nephew for. Barry Kaufman is a columnist for Bluffton Today.

...look down my nose at Dr. Hawking. At least not until after pollen season. Barry Kaufman is a humor columnist for Bluffton Today in Bluffton, S.C. and the author of the "The Flyover States," available as an ebook for 99 cents at www.theflyoverstates...

...the Constitution says: "Doot do do do do doot doot. Living in the U.S.A." Barry Kaufman is a columnist for Bluffton Today. He can be reached at barry.kaufman@blufftontoday.com or check out his novel The Flyover States at www.theflyoverstates...

...iPhone's intense emotional demands, you probably don't deserve to own one. Barry Kaufman is a humor columnist for Bluffton Today in Bluffton, S.C. and still texts with his pointer fingers.